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Lots of people like to talk. Very few people however like to really listen. One of the best ways to get someone to talk, is to get them to talk about themselves. Everyone loves to be able to talk about themselves. However, it can sometimes be impossible to get someone to really listen to you. They may be physically there, but they might not actually be listening.

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. - James 1:19

So in an effort to help everyone with their listening skills, here are a few reasons why we should be listeners, and how we can become better listeners.

1. Being a good listener is better than being a good talker. Yes, that’s right. Listening is better than talking. There are lots of people who are good talkers. They can give you any answer you want, always make it look like they know what they’re talking about, or even say that they care. However, just because they’re good talkers doesn’t actually mean that they believe in what they say. This is what I call political talk. However, a good listener isn’t one who will be quick to tell you something. Instead, they’ll be quick to listen to your concerns. They will more likely actually care about what you’re saying since it takes more effort to truly listen, than to really talk. They’ll attempt to put themselves in your shoes to try and understand what you’re actually going through, instead of being quick to just say something in response. If you consider yourself to be a good talker, take a few moments and try to listen without saying anything in response.

Now on to being a good listener:

2. Stop everything and listen! In a day and age where we like to be able to accomplish as much as possible in as short amount of time as possible, it takes time to really listen to someone. So make sure that you’re not attempting to do anything else while you listen to someone. Not only will your attention be divided, but more likely than not, you’ll become more preoccupied with whatever else you’re doing instead of listening.

3. Look at the person you’re listening to! This is a pretty simple one. If you’re actually looking at the person, then you’ll be less likely to be distracted by other things. That will allow you to actually focus on what the other person is actually saying. It also allows the other person to feel more assured that you’re really listening instead of just pretending to listen. Eye contact is an important thing whether you’re listening or talking. So make sure to look at the person!

4. Focus! This one probably isn’t always the easiest thing to do. If you find yourself with a short attention span, the last thing you’d want to do is to sit still and just listen. However, being able to focus on the other person is really important. You want to be able to show that you’re listening as well, so fidgeting/moving around isn’t going to help. If you need help focusing, try to pay attention to key things the other person is saying, and their body language/tone of voice. They’ll help you better understand what you’re listening to.

5. Shush! When you’re listening to someone, refrain from inserting your own personal commentary. You’re their to listen first, and offer advice second if at all. Don’t get these mixed up. If they ask you for advice, then feel free to give advice, but if they just want someone to talk to, that tends to mean that you should be quiet and listen. There will be a time for you to share your own thoughts on the situation, but till that time comes, don’t say anything that would interrupt.

6. Remember what they’re saying What good is it to listen, if it goes in one ear and out the other? While you’re listening to what the other person is saying, make sure you try to also remember what they said as well. Even if it’s in a quick conversation that really didn’t have much importance to it, it’ll still be good to remember so that the next time you talk to that person, you can ask them about what they said the previous time. It’ll actually also show that you were actually listening!

7. Repeat if necessary Here’s your chance to talk, but only if you didn’t quite understand what was said. If you repeat back what was just said, it’ll allow the other person to further clarify to you what they meant, or atleast reaffirm what they just said. It’ll help you in understanding what you’re listening to, while also showing the other person that you really are listening. You can’t repeat back what you didn’t listen to!

There you have it, a few reasons on how we can all become better listeners and why we should listen instead of talk. Listening to others will help build up trust between you and the person you’re listening to. They’ll be able to trust you in knowing that you’ll listen to what they have to say and truly listen. There’ll be a time to talk too, so if you’re the type that just loves to talk, you’ll have your chance too usually. Just remember that it’s better to listen first!